Weightless Again

major exports

2009-03-06T15:35:00.000-08:00

Hello all! Or rather, hello few-to-none. I have imported this blog over to Virtual Hyperbole, and will be deleting this one quite soon. Don't say I didn't warn you.

here's a fucking health tip for you ...

2008-02-07T08:31:00.000-08:00

If you eat like shit, you will feel like shit. Trust me, I've done the research and it's true.

H to the O

2008-01-08T22:40:00.000-08:00

For the first time in weeks, today I drank as much water as I should. In related news, I also peed like 100 times, but who cares? I know from experience that it regulates as soon as my body's flushed some of its toxins. I'm also trying to cut back on my diet cola consumption. At one point, I'd quit it altogether, but then I quit quitting. Now I'm going to quit quit quitting. I'll have to find new ways to get my caffeine. Maybe I'll just start taking speed. I'm joking. DON'T DO DRUGS.

I am finding that it's not the lack of desire to workout that keeps me from it; nor is it the lack of time anymore now that the holidays are over. It's simply that sometimes I get distracted and I forget. Yesterday, for instance - I wanted to workout, but I also wanted to get this project done.* I planned to work on the first half of the project, take a break & workout, and then finish up the project. Well, I forgot to workout. So thoroughly, in fact, that it wasn't until I was reading in bed before sleep that I remembered. The same exact thing happened the day before with a different project.** Apparently this is a tendency of mine, so I need to refine my system. Maybe decide approximately when I want to workout and set an alarm.

TODAY: 1 hour of stationary bike, 100 crunches, 30 push-ups
Prior: I wanted to work out, but I almost put it off to get some little thing done "real quick." Trying to fool myself again! I steered myself to workout right then while thinking about it.
During: Enjoyed it. Easy to do when I have the TV to distract me (which we do in our workout room). I had thought I'd only bike for 1/2-hr, but I changed it to an hour when I realized that The Biggest Loser was on. I swear that is the best show to watch for inspiration. Those fuckers work SO HARD; it's impossible to skimp on a workout when watching that show.
After: Felt excellent, and proud that I pushed myself a bit. My butt hurts from the bike seat. I still detest push-ups.

*The project I was working on yesterday was making a tea cozy. It's my first project with my new sewing machine! I should say "am" instead of "was" because my first attempt failed. Well, no. It didn't fail - it's a kick-ass looking rock-n-roll tea cozy; it just doesn't fit my teapot. I made a newbie mistake (because I'm a newbie), and left too little for seam allowance. Anyone with a smaller pot need a cool tea cozy?

**The project that distracted me on Sunday was creating a new vanity website. Check it out; I love it!

bullshit, yoga is relaxing

2008-01-03T23:12:00.000-08:00

I'm kidding. Kind of. Seriously, though - that shit is HARD.

TODAY: 45 minutes of beginner's yoga
Prior to: Felt rushed; was worried about how much time I had (or rather didn't have) before I had to leave for the 14/48 meeting.
During: Felt good - the stretches in particular. The woman on the DVD I have does an excellent job of getting me to visualize various muscle activations & grounding, and also describing how it might feel. This helps me a lot, since I don't have a personal coach in the room to monitor me.
After: Glad I fit it in; I really needed the stretching. Yoga's a bit sneaky -- at the time, I felt like maybe I should have done more, but now (a few hours later), my body feels even the little that I did.

Tomorrow, I have the same time crunch issue with work & 14/48. I will try to make it home in between the two and bike for at least 1/2-hr. (stationary bike).

get on your bikes and ride

2008-01-02T16:34:00.000-08:00

So. Turns out that fitness is still one of the first things out the window when I get busy. Not a surprise to me, truly. At least it wasn't the very first thing I threw out the window. And I kept my weight steady throughout the holiday season, even though my habits slipped. I can only guess that some of my base level habits have changed for the better, and I'm actually getting more activity & eating better all around, even though it hasn't been at the forefront of my mind.

2008 is a brand new year full of promise, and I intend to participate in an August triathlon in Seattle. 1/2-mile swim, 12-mile bike, 3-mile run (or thereabouts, depending on the final route). I was persuaded (quite easily) to do it by a friend who was going to do it again only if she could round up some other gals to commit. So I'm in, as well as some other lady friends of ours (it's a female-only event).

The most exciting development is that my mom's going to fly out to do it with me!!! She's a seasoned triathlon competitor, so it'll be pretty cool to be able to join her finally. And maybe my dad'll come to shame Monkey into getting up that early to come watch. ;-)

Today was the first day of my active "training." (I'll take the quotes off when I feel like I'm truly back on the fitness wagon, and not just playing catch-up to what I should have been doing for the last 2 months.) Monkey has consented to be my "pace-car" and I think is excited to have a reason to get back on the wagon himself.

The main thing for me is to take in manageable steps. I get clotted up when I try to think of the totality of being in shape enough to run a triathlon, and then I just want to play computer games and let my avatar run for me. So - I have given myself a very achievable goal of doing some kind of fitness activity every day, to be increased in intensity as I progress. One step at a time. I know that planning also important for me, so I will ponder possibilities & decide each day what my activity will be for the following day.

TODAY: Monkey & I jogged approx. 2 miles. Around the neighborhood, not the track.
Weather: A light rain, but not too cold, and not unpleasant.
Prior: I didn't feel like doing it, but I said I would force myself, and I did.
During: The first bit was hell, and then I kinda caught my stride - more so, anyway. My lungs burned from lack of recent cardio, and that feeling has lingered a bit (it's been about an hour since getting home). My legs were sore from painting last week, and from bowling the other day, and the running loosened them up. By the end, I wasn't out of breath, but simply tired in my body.
After: Glad I did it, but frustrated that it didn't go as smoothly as I'd hoped.
Notes to self: Drink more water. Remember your sense of humor. Don't get fussy with your helper, because he's doing it for you.
Tomorrow: I don't have much time tomorrow due to work & the kick-off of the 14/48 festival. I will plan to do yoga either before the meeting or before bed.

fell off the wagon, but will hitch a ride to meet it at the next pit stop to climb back on

2007-12-14T14:54:00.000-08:00

Where've you been?
KIDDING!
I'm know it's me who's been gone so long.
C'mon baby - don't be like that.

The Women at ACT Theatre closes this weekend. From Sept. 11 to Dec. 16. I think it's like 80-85 performances total. 8x/week in addition to holding down my day job (p/t job, but still). I can count on one hand the number of pure days off I've had in that entire 3 month period, and most of those have been in the last 2 weeks. Not complaining, mind you, BUT! It'll be nice to have my regular life back starting next week.

Quick health & fitness update:
=>My weight has stabilized at 144/145 lbs. I'd like to drop another 5 or so.
=>My workout routine is solidly out the window and has been for 3 weeks now. Zilch. I've been a very bad girl. I have many theories & reasons, many of which I hope to amuse you with as soon as I can get some goddam sleep.
=>In January, I will begin training for an August triathalon. That should kick my butt into gear.

Gotta go ... I'm at my day job right now, and I mainly stopped by to let you know about a new DIY venture of mine ... check out my new-found craftiness at www.hardwearables.com.

I love you. I really do. Seriously! Come back here!!!

older. wiser?

2007-09-21T23:55:00.001-07:00

The facts, in cold hard numbers. Numbers do not lie, my friends.

11 = days I've belonged to a mainstream membership gym.
8 = days I've worked out at the gym since joining.
3 = days I didn't feel like working out, but did anyway.
1 = days I really didn't feel like working out, and went home instead.

Not freakin' bad, if I do say so myself. Oh, and I do -- as often as possible.

I miss working out with Cody terribly, of course. It's a lot easier when there's someone there pushing me and expecting things from me. He's there in spirit, though. Some days what gets me into the gym is the fact that I don't want to have to tell him that I slacked off. Also, what would all that money and hard work have been for if I'm just going to dump it?

I make deals with myself: "I don't want to go work out." "I know, but you'll feel better." "Not today, I won't. I really think I should take the day off." "Alright; that's cool. Just go and do 15-20 minutes on the elliptical. C'mon - it's right around the corner! Then go home." "Seriously, lay off. I'm not in the mood today." "Alright. It's your money." "OKAY! GEEZ! I'll go! But just 15 minutes on the elliptical." Then of course - 15 minutes on the elliptical, and I feel great and want to keep going.

There is a pride thing at gyms, too. This gym is pretty mellow - friendly, diverse, no attitude that I've noticed. Pretty much it's not crowded and people leave each other alone. But still --- once I'm there and on the floor, my vanity won't quite let me retreat to the locker room after such a short time. What might people think? Of course, they wouldn't think anything - who am I that they'd give a shit? But it just seems lame to go to a gym and then not do a full, adequate work out. I can't stand to think I'm being lame.

Damn that Cody! Now that I know better, there's no going back.

breaking up is hard to do

2007-09-14T00:32:00.000-07:00

Cody and I are taking a break. I know, right? Don't cry.

Actually, I just started rehearsals for a professional theatre show in addition to holding down my day job (with the blessings and help of an incredibly accommodating job-share partner). The fact is, no matter how much I adore working out with Cody, I simply do not have one day free until mid-October. In a lot of ways, the timing of this has worked out brilliantly. I was starting to feel like I needed to stumble out of the nest to see if I'd fly on my own. Not whether I can fly, mind you, I know I can. But would I? Or would I rather just choose to land on my couch with a bucket of cheese? Well, now I guess I get to find out.

Sink or swim, baby! Sink or swim.*

*I can preliminarily report that I'm actually more like treading water right now than sinking or swimming. Not bad, but I gotta step up my groove. I got big plans. More soon.

acting 101

2007-08-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

Hang with me through this post - I promise I'm making a point here about my fitness (albeit perhaps obliquely).

As I progressed through my acting training in college, I was taught - and encouraged to employ - a wide variety of styles and methods. We started with basics in Fundamentals of Acting (the title of our majors' intro course): text & character. This was followed very closely by - practically simultaneously with - objectives (goals) & intention (how you achieve them). As I and my peers progressed, the scope was widened, and we learned other techniques to supplement and enhance the basics (breath patterns, emotional recall, alexander technique, lessac vs. linklater, bippity boppity boo). We would learn and practice these techniques in isolation, which is necessarily the way of teaching (although not the way of acting or of life, really), but the idea was that they were all building blocks for a well-rounded actor. (I now prefer to think of it as a road-map, but that's neither here nor there.) Even though we were focusing on kinesthetic response (for example), we were expected to use all the already learned tools at our disposal as well. Sometimes (often, even), whatever technique we were focusing on would start overshadow the acting, rather than serving it. And in those cases, the notes after the performed classroom scene would inevitably include the phrase, "Go back to Fundamentals."

Although it sometimes felt like it, this was not a slight meant to indicate that we weren't worthy to be in an advanced acting course. It meant that we skipped a few steps, and we needed to go back and build the foundation before we heaped our technique on top. As I've gotten to be older and a more and more experienced actor, Fundamentals are second nature. I don't have to think about them, I just do them automatically. Like reading or riding a bike or swimming. Once you learn it - really learn it - you can't even imagine what it felt like before you knew how.

Sometimes, though - not often, but sometimes - I can't seem crack the nut. I have a picture in my mind of what I want to achieve with playing a particular character, but ... I. CAN'T. SEEM. TO. DO. IT. It's crazy-making. Rehearsals are frustrating, I can't get off-book (which I normally excel at), and I can tell - or imagine - that the director and my castmates are anxious and annoyed. I'm letting everyone down, and I begin to resign myself to the fact that this will be one of my failures. You can't win them all, right? But who can accept that? So I make a last-ditch effort, and try to simply read the play as if for the first time. I try to get a clean copy of the script so that I'm not focused on my already highlighted lines, or blocking or notes to myself.

"Go back to Fundamentals."

Five'll getcha ten that by the end of that script-read, I cracked that nut wide-fucking-open, and am now eating all the walnut crumbs. Usually I find that I have been stupid and blind and running into the wall over & over insisting that a door should be there, when all I needed to do was take a step back and see that the door is actually a little bit down on the right. You can practically hear the tumblers all down the line of the play -- click*click*click*click*click!

My point is this --- when something like this that should be working isn't working- it's almost always operator error. When I'm not doing good acting work in a play, it's ME. And I can change it. If I want to.

Same with my diet. I've been gaining weight. I'm back to pre-detox weight, and I've been unhappy and grumbling about it. It seems to me that I'm eating pretty good, but the numbers don't bear it out.

And also the same with my cardio. I was up to 3 miles jogging, and now 2 kills me. I didn't seem to me that I slacked off that much, but let's check those stats again, shall we?

Nobody to blame but myself.

Back to Fundamentals.

i fell off the wagon, and hit the ground hard

2007-07-16T21:49:00.000-07:00

Hello, I've been avoiding you. Oh, it's not you - it's me for sure. The last several weeks have been a whirlwind of classic "real life" activity. I won't got into it again - I cursorily explained it in my last post. However, in the last post, my bad habits hadn't been creeping back in yet. Although it seems that I did anticipate them quite eerily.

Yes, it's true. I am humbled to report that my forward momentum ceased. I was phoning it in. I wasn't doing anything on my own in between workouts because I was busy and (I justified) at least was working out 3x/week with Cody. But then I was dissatisfied with my workouts because I wasn't ever getting anywhere because I wasn't doing anything on my own in between workouts. And even at my most avoidful, I can easily spot that circular logic. Eventually.

I was driving to my workout a week ago, kinda not wanting to go and fantasizing about excuses I could use to cancel. And then I thought - what the hell am I doing paying for a personal trainer? I'm not remotely wealthy enough to throw money away, not to mention my time and energy. And I'm sure Cody appreciates the money, but his time and energy are worth more than that, too. So I had 2 choices. I either quit, or ...

So I walked in and asked Cody for help to "recommit." And the fates bless him, he sensed exactly what I needed. Instead of the workout he had planned, he pulled out his laptop and made me set new specific goals. I, of course, hated this and immediately regretted my rash declaration.

KIDDING! Well, half-kidding. I don't love goal-setting part of it, but I'm living proof that it works, so I took my medicine and immediately felt SO MUCH BETTER. Hindsight being 20/20 and all - it was so clear to me that I'd been coming into workouts with a ... how to put this ... with an emotional barrier. I knew I wasn't doing the best I could, and so I was distancing myself from the process. It makes it easier to ignore that I'm the responsible party.

GOD! This workout/fitness process is so close to my acting process that sometimes I find it disturbing. If you're an actor, you may know what I mean. Another rumination for another day.

More soon ... I just wanted to let you know where I'd been off to.

i'm still standing

2007-06-16T10:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a cRaZy month. First the detox, then there were (are) some upheavals on the workfront, then we decided to get a second cat, and now we're suddenly moving at the end of this month! It's been mostly good stuff, but big changes for me. Stress levels are rising, and although it's not bad stress, it's stress none-the-less. Stress without anxiety, if you see what I mean.

Anyway, my past patterns would indicate that this is exactly ripe for me to slack on my fitness & health routines, and to start eating a lot of comfort food. I'll be monitoring myself closely because I know it's a tendency of mine; however, so far - I'm doing really well (if I do say so myself). I've made sure to do some kind of exercise every day, and while I'm not skimping on my food desires I'm also not eating crap. I'm staying fairly balanced. This bodes well for me, I think.

If you'll allow me to pat myself on the back for a self-indulgent minute:

I jogged 3 miles for the first time the other day. I had been keeping it steady at 2 miles for a long time now.
Monkey & I went on our first hike of the season, 6.6 miles roundtrip. It was a steep hike, and I was tired. But good tired, like I wanted to keep going; not bad tired like I wanted to just fucking go home RIGHT NOW - which is what I have often felt. It was lovely - I kept up pace, and I was able to enjoy the entire hike. It felt fantastic in every way.
I'm maintaining my weight at in the 142/143 lb. mark. I am back down to a size 8 in most off-the-rack brands.
I'm not very often having to remind myself to exercise; I just do it. It's starting to become a habit. Brilliant!

I have some new stats, but Cody still needs to email them to me (CODY!).

I hope this lovely season of almost-officially-summer also finds you and yours hopeful, happy & healthy.

tally

2007-06-04T10:10:00.000-07:00

For those of you keeping score at home ...

I started out the detox at 148.6 lbs.
I hit my lowest weight on Day 11, at 138.2 lbs.
The morning of Day 14, right before I ate my first proper breakfast in 2 weeks, I weighed in at 139.8 lbs.
I have gained weight slowly but steadily since then, and I seem to be evening out around the 142/143 lbs mark.

morning has broken

2007-06-01T08:20:00.001-07:00

Now I know what it was. It was like the last week of school after exams have already happened, and the professor is still giving you homework.

That's what yesterday was.

I have eaten, and the sun is shining. However, in a cruel twist of fate, as I was driving home from rehearsal last night ... I swallowed, and I knew - without question - that, all of a sudden, I was sick. And yep. I woke up with a full-blown cold this morning. Ain't it a bitch?

the final countdown

2007-05-31T10:35:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day of my detox diet. That makes tomorrow the first day of the rest of my life.

Honestly, I wouldn't have stuck this out all 13 days if I hadn't publically said that I would. I wish it had been a 9-day detox. It's not that it's been difficult to go without regular food - not since day 3, really. However, I have not received any noticable benefit in the past several days, apart from some more weight loss. My overriding feelings at this point are of utter boredom and moderate annoyance. I am receiving nourishment, but no joy. Yesterday's switch to raw veggies & fruits provided some minor excitement, but I long to be truly sated.

I'm glad I did it. I'd even do it again, possibly. No way in hell for 13 days, but maybe for 3-5 every once in awhile to clear my system out. Conceptually, I'm thrilled that my body's clean and that I'm starting from a clear slate, and I'm eager to monitor how I react to my standard fare. Pragmatically, I'm sick to death of the whole g-d thing.

Catch me tomorrow ... I bet I'll have a better attitude then.

i dream of broccoli

2007-05-29T22:34:00.000-07:00

11 days down, 2 days to go. Tomorrow, I will actually get to chew food for the first time in 12 days. It's like Christmas - I want to go to bed early so that morning gets here sooner.

Imagine what I'm going to feel like on Thursday night! My brain may shut down. I think the first thing I'll do upon waking on Friday is toast some bread. Sprouted whole wheat bread. With just a little organic honey. Mmmm ... I have been yearning for toast for days now.

Oh my god. My brain IS going to shut down. For sure. Holy crap, I can't wait.

(You can't hear me, but I just giggled maniacally.)

monkey detox - RIP, May 19-27

2007-05-28T12:30:00.000-07:00

Monkey decided on Saturday to stop his detox as of today. He went 9 days, and lost 10 pounds and change. YAY MONKEY! Here's his explanation & his reaction to the detox:

Thanks homies for putting up with my detox "blog" - This, alas, will be my last entry... it's the 9th day and I've went from 181.6 to 171.6 pounds and will probably lose one more lb. by tommorrow morning, but I'm pulling the plug after today. We haven't even opened or broken into my box of product, so Peggy and I will return it and split the money. We're both fuckin' sick to death of those goddamn powder feedings. She plans on continuing, but I'm happily putting up my gloves. I don't feel any failure; it's clear I have the willpower to finish, just not the reason or drive. EVERYONE seemed to suggest that after day 4 or 5, you'd feel better and have increased energy. This was just not the case for me; I feel fine, but the mind-numbingly DULL grind of clean living has made me moody (as Peggy can attest). An extreme half day headache on Day 7 didn't help either, besides feeling I was wasting away one of my first open weekends in a million years. To say I'm euphoric about eating in one day is an understatement. It was an interesting experiment, clearly good for my body and my future habits, but doing it sucked!!! "Dirty" Shoogs* is back!!!
*"Shoogs" is a nickname of his from way back.

He's right on about being sick to death of the powders. By now, I only actually look forward to 2 of them. I kinda like another, I don't hate 1 more, and I dread the other 3. This wasn't the case early on - I was mostly into all of them.

As he mentions, we'll be returning a completely unopened box of product. One box is designed to be a complete 13-day detox program for 1 person. However, they give you enough powder for 18 days if you want to extend it for a few days. So we ordered 2 boxes. Even after 9 days for both of us, there is still enough powder left for me through today, and through tomorrow if I supplement it a bit. The practical issues of getting the money back from that second box (about $150 split between us) outweighed my personal "need" for me to stick to this particular program. The thought of losing $150 bucks just to open the box for me only for 2 or 3 days made me crazy.

I hereby affirm that I am not (repeat: NOT) stopping my detox. I am going all 13 days, like I wanted to. However, I am altering it. I am supplementing the powders today & tomorrow with a small handful of whole fruit & ice to make smoothies. I think with that addition the taste won't turn me off like it has been, and they will last me through tomorrow. Starting with Day 12, I will be adding a limited amount of organic fresh fruit, veggies & raw nuts back into my diet. I will keep to the same 7x/day schedule, and maintain (or increase) my water intake.

Day 14 will be a heavenly day. I'm already planning my (sensible) meals.

hanging in there (midday of 8th day of detox)

2007-05-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

I feel good. I'm over the hump, and now it's just a test of wills. I know I can make it through. But will I? There's no chance of me cheating; I don't even feel the need. However, there is a real chance of me simply choosing to stop early.

It's not about hunger, and it's not about being a slave to food. It's about the pure sensual, physical, social, romantic joy of eating. Texture, taste, temperature. The contrast & compliment of varied flavors. I really, truly miss it. It's not so much the food, it's the eating.

The biggest reason keeping me from quitting early? Vanity, pride, the fact I won't be able to claim that I really did it.

I think I'll do it. At this point - why not, right?

keep on keeping on (morning of 6th day of detox)

2007-05-24T10:49:00.000-07:00

As I highlighted in this post, I tend to think of quantifiable amounts in fractions. Yesterday I hit the 1/3 mark, and by the end of tomorrow I will be over 1/2 of the way through this g-d trial of will. Once I hit a fraction that seems substantial and not simply depressing (like day 1 being 1/13 - that’s just sad), I feel ridiculously more comfortable. It seems manageable.

I feel ... well, I feel okay. Pretty good. I’m not hungry. I’m hardly getting cravings anymore. Except for the fact that I am not eating actual meals, I feel fairly normal. I’m able to get through work with no problem. I’m able to go to my regular workouts with Cody (although without my usual verve, and he’s altered them a bit to support the detox). But I am still waiting for the surge of energy, the amazing clarity, the euphoria that everyone talks about. It’s like a freakin’ holy grail.

I mean, I didn’t really do this to feel normal, ya know? I could have gotten "normal" by not doing a damn thing. I don’t intend to be discouraging. I truly don’t. There are very specific positives, and I am fully aware of them (mostly because I remind myself of them constantly to keep my spirits up). The one tangible is that I’m losing weight like a mofo. That helps immediately to boost my morale, even though I know that some of it will return when I eat solid food again. But, so far, all the other benefits are intangible. I believe they are real and worthy, but I can’t see or feel them (yet).

And so even though it’s not really hard anymore, it’s still mainly a head game. Passing the 1/2-way mark and moving into bigger fractions will make the game easier. I hope. But it’s kinda boring. And it’s still all I think about when I’m not distracted by some other activity. The good news is that it’s pretty easy to distract me from it.

Ultimately, I think I’ll be glad that I’m doing it, and I’m gonna stick it out. It's only 13 days out of my whole life. Meantime, I am still hoping & waiting for the holy grail.

oof (middle of 3rd day of detox)

2007-05-21T12:50:00.001-07:00

This is hard. Really hard. Day 2 sucked ass. I woke up with that same headache, except a little worse. It diminished a little as I had the first "feeding" (as Monkey calls it, which totally makes me giggle). We distracted ourselves with a movie, and then went to see an apartment for rent down the block. The whole time I kinda feel like shit, but I try (and mostly fail) to have a good attitude and pretend that I can tell I'm rounding a corner.

It makes it all the worse that I chose to do this. I actually start to get angry at myself for committing to something so ridiculous. It feels ludicrous, but I am trapped because I told so many people, I'm blogging about it, and I don't want to be a quitter. Which is, of course, why I told so many people & am blogging about it -- so that I wouldn't let myself off that easy. So far it's working.

After Monkey left for work yesterday, I was in a bad place. And not just mentally, which is what it had been up to then. Actually physically. I had no energy, my muscles ached, I didn't even want the feedings - I forced them down even though the smell made me want to gag. I know enough about myself to know that that's the way my body reacts to stress; so I soldiered through. I just treated it as if I were sick ('cause that's what it is, really), and holed up on the couch with a comfy warm blanket, my cat, the tv, a NYT crossword book, my current book, and some dvds. And then I proceeded to mostly sleep with the tv on.

It sounds horrible, doesn't it? I don't think it's actually as bad as it sounds. Unpleasant, sure. Like a low-grade flu or cold, except without any of the symptoms save body depression ... which in the grand scheme of things is not that bad. Most of that is the mental game, I think. You gotta keep your eye on the prize. I am viewing yesterday through the lens of today, of course. This entry would be a lot different if I'd had the motivation to write about it yesterday afternoon.

By the time evening rolled around, I was feeling markedly better. Thank god, because I had rehearsal for the show I'm directing. Then Monkey & I watched another movie and went to bed. He fared much better on Day 2 than I did.

Today ... I gotta be honest --- I'm not feeling great, but I can see how tomorrow I might be. My muscles are still a bit achy, a twinge of headache is still present, but I'm breathing easier. I feel like you do when you've been sick for awhile and you wake up one day and you just somehow know you're better. You don't feel 100%, but you can tell you aren't sick anymore, and now your body just needs to catch up. But still - I want to eat. That hasn't gone away. I'm not necessarily feeling hungry, but I would like to chew something. That's a challenge, but it's not insurmountable. It's getting better.

It seems like Monkey's about a day behind me. He's having the day today that I had yesterday. I will do my best to be kind. Both of us are trying valiantly to stick with it.

starting line (late on 1st day of detox)

2007-05-19T17:50:00.000-07:00

Before our detox (naked in the morning after "relieving ourselves" but before eating or drinking anything):
Monkey = 181 lbs.
Me = 148 lbs.
... we'll see what happens as we go.

Today, I have had frequent ... well, not really cravings. They aren't focused enough to be cravings. More like urges - half-formed thoughts of what I might decide to eat before I come to my senses and remember that I won't be eating at all. The only challenging part about today (so far) is trying to stay in the moment. I start to get a little crazy when I think about not eating for 2 whole weeks. I mean, who am I kidding?! I freakin' love to eat. Why in the world would I choose to do this detox? I have gone mad! I start to hyperventilate a little, and then I calm down and realize I only need to concentrate on the next 2 hours.

I expect that to get worse over the next 2 days, and then taper off. It will be my greatest obstacle, I think.

I haven't felt actual hunger at all. These drinks come every two or so hours, so by the time I'd really start to feel hungry, I get to drink another one. They aren't bad; I actually like the taste. Favorites are already emerging; ones I can tell I'll look forward to and also ones I will drink as quickly as possible to get it over with. But none of them are hateful.

I have had an underlying headache since about 1pm. Not too bad; only slightly distracting. I took a nap at about 2:30p. Could not keep my eyes open. I set the alarm to make sure I didn't get off-schedule, and woke up at 3:15p. Kicked back again in bed after that and did some crosswords until I fell asleep (again!).

Obviously, my method today is to take is slow & easy. I am going to take advantage of the evening sun and take a walk right now. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

I swear, people ... if Monkey & I make it through this, then anyone can do it!

detox day 1

2007-05-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

Hey y'all, I started a detox! I am on day 1 and I don't have much to say about it yet, except to explain the basic concept, so you can get an idea.

It's a regulated all-liquid diet. There are 7 different powders and they're mixed with 8-12 oz. of water or non-dairy milk. One every 2-3 hours, 7 times a day, for 14 days. The powders are all made from whole foods (vegetables, fruits, berries, nuts, seeds, grains, blah blah blah), and each of the 7 is designed to focus on a different body systems (lymphatic & circulatory, endocrine & reprodutive, nervous, digestive, muscular skeletal, respiratory, and finally - whole body).

The main focus for me is an overall body detox to give me a quick & good baseline for future eating habits. I do expect to lose weight, and that certainly won't make me sad, but that's not my intent, that's just the icing on the cake. (Which, of course, is forbidden on this diet.)

My sweetheart (Monkey) is doing it with me, and that gives immeasurable relief. We live together, and it will be so much easier to peer pressure each other into sticking to it the whole way & not cheating.

I'll post stats (weight, etc.) later today. Right now I gotta go workout w/ Cody.

itsy bitsy part 2

2007-05-14T14:03:00.000-07:00

So there it is. Me in my bikini. Unfortunately (or fortunately, I guess, depending on your point of view), you will not get to see the whole thing. Not on purpose, I just didn't get any pictures of it. And that's because, surprisngly, I hardly wore it. We spent most of our time NOT laying around beaches but rather hiking or swimming in surf a bit too rough for convenient bikini wear. The one beach, Kehena, where I would have worn it all the time was a 1/2-mile from our cottage - it became "our" beach. But it turns out that clothing was not needed at this gorgeous black sand beach populated with free-spirited locals. And when in Rome ...

gone fishin'

2007-04-23T23:18:00.000-07:00

Wish me & my bikini luck!

itsy bitsy

2007-04-21T22:40:00.000-07:00

Dear bikini,

You'd better be worth it.

Love,
Peggy

you can't have an assessment without asses

2007-04-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

STATS	17-Oct-06	22-Nov-06	23-Dec-06	22-Jan-07	26-Feb-07	26-Mar-07	21-Apr-07
Weight (lbs.)	166	166	162	157	155	154	151
Fat/Lean Mass (lbs.)	57/109	55.5/110.5	50/112	44/113	42/113	41/113	38/113
Body Fat %	34.5	33.5	31	28	27	26.5	25.5

MEASUREMENTS	17-Oct-06	22-Nov-06	23-Dec-06	22-Jan-07	26-Feb-07	26-Mar-07	21-Apr-07
Chest	xx	xx	xx	xx	36”	36”	36"
Waist	xx	xx	xx	xx	31”	30”	29"
Hips	xx	xx	xx	xx	37.5”	37”	35.5"
Upper Arm	xx	xx	xx	xx	10.5”	10.5”	10.5"
Thigh	xx	xx	xx	xx	21”	21”	21"
Calf	xx	xx	xx	xx	14.5”	14.5”	14.5"

TESTS	17-Oct-06	22-Nov-06	23-Dec-06	22-Jan-07	26-Feb-07	26-Mar-07	21-Apr-07
Sit & Reach	9”	1’2”	1'3”	1'5"	1'5”	1'7”	1'7"
Sit-ups	20	28	32	32	35	35	37
Push-ups	15	26	33	18	24	24	30
Pull-ups	15	29	23	26	9	10	10
T-test	14.97 sec.	14.22 sec.	13.62 sec.	13.60 sec.	20.52 sec.	19.65 sec.	19.46 sec.
Plank	59 sec.	1 min. 22 sec.	1 min. 45 sec.	2 min. 8 sec.	1 min. 20 sec.	1 min. 20 sec.	2 min. 2 sec.

A few things to note, if you’re keeping track (which I assume only my mom really is – hi Mom!).
PUSH-UPS: Jan-07, I graduated from on-the-knee to real push-ups.
PULL-UPS: Feb-07, I graduated from easy to medium. ("Hard" would be full bodyweight pull-ups.)
T-TEST: Feb-07, another 2 lengths of stuff was added in (lateral & sprint – whatever the hell that means).
PLANK: Mar-07, I graduated from forearms to extended arms (push-up position). February’s plank was shameful and shall never be spoken of again. But check out April's plank ... hello, nurse!

GOALS:
Get to below 150 lbs, w/ body fat at 25% by the end of April. ALMOST! So close I could taste it. But check out April's measurements. I feel really good.
Greater flexibility in lower back.
I’d like my fitness routine not to be the first thing I give up when life gets busy; make it an ingrained habit.
More intense cardio. For real this time.

crisis of faith (or, let me eat cake)

2007-04-19T14:44:00.000-07:00

I have been SO GOOD over the month. I have been eating incredibly well, mostly staying between 1500-1700 kCals/day. (Only two days I broke it, and they were planned.) I have not been drinking alcohol. I work out with Cody 3x/week, and I do cardio 3x/week on my own. I have upped the intensity on my cardio.

And still ... I cannot break 148 lbs. And that's naked in the morning before breakfast. (Sorry for the graphic image. Oh, wait. No I'm not.) On my assessment on Saturday, I'll be clothed after breakfast, so I won't even make my 'below-150' goal.

My point is -- why do I bother being good?

*sigh*

I'm exaggerating for effect, of course. I know why. But some days it's really frustrating.

This, of course, is where Mom or Dad would helpfully pipe in with, "Well, kiddo, no one ever said life was fair."

in other news ... pigs fly

2007-04-17T21:07:00.000-07:00

I jogged 2 miles around the track today.

"Uh, Satan? Yeah, Peg here. Dude, I'm really sorry about this --- but you might want to go shopping for some winter clothes."

a mile in my shoes

2007-04-16T16:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I jogged around a track 4 times. This means I jogged a mile. One whole mile. I want to be clear on this next point: It's not the mile that's the big deal. It's the fact that I ran it. ON PURPOSE. I chose to do it. In fact, it's even worse than I realized at first ... I actually wanted to. In fact, I may even do it again tomorrow.

Oh lord. I have to drastically re-draft the secret image I hold of myself. Just when I thought I had it all figured out, now it turns out I'm a jogger.

I jog.

Oof. I think I need to lay down.

aloha

2007-04-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

My sweetheart and I are going to Hawai'i at the end of the month. I gave Cody carte blanche to kick my ass and make said ass just a little bit tighter before I head out with my adorable swim suit. He accepted the challenge with glee. Secretly sadistic glee.

This is now what I think during workouts:

"bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini i hate cody bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini ..."

Aww, Cody. Don't cry, I was just teasing. Here, eat this cheese ... it'll make you feel better.

Geez-o-flip. Now I want cheese.

bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini bikini

school of life

2007-04-11T09:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I owe you two (TWO?! yes, two!) monthly assessments. But not right now. I'll do 'em later tonight ... unless I'm too busy smoking, drinking whiskey & eating cheese to bother. (I kid because I love.)

The thing about the assessments, though, is that they're kind of like getting a grade on an exam. The grade has varying degrees of import based on who you are (teacher, student, strict parent, etc.), but it's not necessarily wholly indicative of long-term and secret internal success. I study hard, I do my best; but at the end of the day, I feel as much about my assessments as I did about my grades ... pleasantly satisfied if I did as well as I hoped, slightly disappointed if I didn't. Either way, by the end of the day, it's forgotten. (This is why I was always a B-student who was smarter than most of the A-students.* And had more fun.)

Anywho, blah-di-blah blah blah ... off the top of my head, here's my baker's dozen of non-assessment successes since October 2006 (which I attribute directly to my fitness focus):

I quit biting my nails. Without any effort on my part. I just stopped. And, girl lemme tell ya -- I'm an old-school nail biter from back in the day. I've never had unbitten nails that weren't fake.
I quit smoking. This I did on purpose.
I have only been sick once this season. It was a bad one, but quick. Other than that - not even a sniffle. And people were dropping like flies all around me. Sick flies.
I can count on less than one hand the number of times I've had trouble sleeping.
I've joyfully given up clothes I loved because they didn't fit any longer ... I'm back to a very comfy size 10. Granted - the assessment does cover weight & measurements, but the joy cannot be adequately expressed in a number.
I stretch every morning (mostly).
Last summer, I barely made it around Green Lake once (blading). This season, I go around twice without even debating.
Even at my most busy & stressed (this past Feb/Mar), my anxiety level is extremely low. I haven't felt this overall calm since ... well since adulthood.
My auditions are easier. I don't mean easy like "piece of cake" - I mean that I have an comfort and ease in the audition room I've never felt before. I still get nervous, but I don't choke it to death. I can let it flow without much effort.
I'm saving quite a bit of money. Again with hardly any effort on my part. I don't eat out as much (and when I do it's a real treat, and worth the wait). I also am buying more food to actually cook rather than processed food to zap. This is way cheaper.
I haven't seen the inside of a hangover in months. I haven't given up drinking booze, and I seriously doubt I will. I'm not a self-deprivation kinda gal, and I was never a heavy drinker to begin with. But when I do drink, I drink less alcohol & more water. Again, not really trying.
I feel it just as much when I don't work out as when I do.
I just last week gave up diet coke. It just stopped tasting good.

So, yeah - right?! I am very pleased. Sometimes I pretend I don't want to do it anymore, but I really do.

(*Hmm. Someone's quite full of herself, huh? Oooh, fancy pants, all smart & shit.)

hi honey i'm home

2007-04-09T20:43:00.000-07:00

Hello? Anyone there? My goodness. Everyone's gone. That's what I get, I guess. I should've left a forwarding address. My goodness, this place is filthy; it needs a good spring cleaning & airing. I'll just start here with these cobwebs, and then go through that huge pile of unopened mail & newspapers ...

There! Smells like possibility. Wha -? What the? Who's there?! BLOG! You startled me! What are you doing hiding under the couch? C'mon out, I'm so glad to see you!

Oh, blog --- I have so much to tell you. Would you like some tea? Hey, what's up? Are you mad at me? C'mon, baby ... don't be like that. I promise, it wasn't just you. I've neglected everything these past couple of months. Yes. Yes, I did. Yes. I promise. Oh, don't cry, my darling. I'm back. To stay.

Maybe.

Awwww! C'mon! That was a joke! Come back here!

i'd like to thank the academy

2007-01-28T22:54:00.000-08:00

STATS	17-Oct 2006	22-Nov 2006	23-Dec 2006	22-Jan 2007
Weight	166 lbs.	166 lbs.	162 lbs.	157 lbs.
Body Fat	34.5%	33.5%	31%	28%
Fat Mass / Lean Mass	57 lbs. / 109 lbs.	55.5 lbs. / 110.5 lbs.	50 lbs / 112 lbs.	44 lbs. / 113 lbs.

TESTS	17-Oct 2006	22-Nov 2006	23-Dec 2006	22-Jan 2007
Sit & Reach	9”	1’2”	1'3”	1'5"
Sit-ups	20	28	32	32
Push-ups	15	26	33	18
Pull-ups	15	29	23	26
T-test	14.97 sec.	14.22 sec.	13.62 sec.	13.60 sec.
Plank	59 sec.	1 min. 22 sec.	1 min. 45 sec.	2 min. 8 sec.

Wow! So I've lost 9 lbs overall, but I've lost freakin' THIRTEEN POUNDS OF FAT! And the push-ups look like they went down, but no my friend ... I graduated to real push-ups, so I have now set a new baseline. The pull-ups were up from last month but still down from 2 months ago. Weird. I can only assume I was cheating prior to last month.

My new goals & promises:
=>In 3 months, below 150 w/ body fat at 25%.
=>Comfortable in a size 10 again.
=>Up the intensity on the 3x/week cardio.
=>Come to workouts the way I would come to rehearsal.

Next time I will tell you all the other side benfits of my fitness journey -- things I never could've expected. (How will you sleep after THAT cliffhanger, huh?!)

having my cake and eating it too

2007-01-04T11:09:00.000-08:00

My ass-kicking friend (& best coworker in the world, by the way) made me this "cake" for my office b-day celebration. God bless her & them for letting me stick to my minimal sweets resolutions this early in the year.

disclaimer

2007-01-03T21:41:00.000-08:00

Oops - I forgot to tell you that no animals were harmed in the making of that last pictoral. It was staged, and I am a trained professional (*snort*).

And also - I do NOT wear that headgear when I work out.

Seriously. I don't!

Shut up.

safety first ... a story in pictures by Cody & Peggy

2007-01-02T20:07:00.000-08:00

1. A typical day. 2. Uh-oh, I'm falling!

3. Ooh, bad luck! 4. Thank god for my safety helmet!

updated stats

2006-12-28T10:40:00.000-08:00

STATS	17-Oct 2006	22-Nov 2006	23-Dec 2006
Weight	166 lbs.	166 lbs.	162 lbs.
Body Fat	34.5%	33.5%	31%
Fat Mass / Lean Mass	57 lbs. / 109 lbs.	55.5 lbs. / 110.5 lbs.	50 lbs / 112 lbs.

TESTS	17-Oct 2006	22-Nov 2006	23-Dec 2006
Sit & Reach	9”	1’2”	1'3”
Sit-ups	20	28	32
Push-ups	15	26	33
Pull-ups	15	29	23
T-test	14.97 seconds	14.22 seconds	13.62 seconds
Plank	59 seconds	1 min. 22 sec.	1 min. 45 sec.

Hooray me! Everything was improved ... EXCEPT for the pull-ups. Why was that number worse than last month? I don't know. I'm going to arbitrarily blame it on the socks I was wearing.

New guidelines for me this month:
=>Only one "sweet" every 3rd day (which equals = any empty calorie treat, not necessarily only sweets).
=>At least 64 oz. of water every day.
=>When I drink alcohol, only consume 1 drink per evening. (Who's got the best pour in the city? I'll start going there.)
=>Cardio 3x/week. (This I'm already doing most weeks.)
=>Cheese only once a day. (How did he talk me into that?!)
=>Greater general body awareness.

I'm pretty friggin' pleased. Lost 7 lbs. of fat since I started, which is a net loss of 4 lbs. I do not think I'll make my goal weight of 156 by the end of January, but I'll get as close as I can.

cody vs. wallace & gromit

2006-12-21T14:56:00.000-08:00

Here's the deal --- Cody doesn't want me to eat cheese. WTF?! I know, right? It's the most impossible thing he asks of me, and he asks a lot of impossible things. Like, "Do 75 crunches," or "Don't cry or throw up on the mat." But to not eat cheese. Excuse me, my head just exploded.

Here's how I currently incorporate this into my life ... I kind of ignore him and eat it anyway. Isn't that horrible? I suppose I have cut back just so I don't have to lie as often. I am totally kidding, of course - I never lie. (To Cody.) But so that I don't have to feel guilty about it. Well, that's not even true. I don't actually even feel guilty; but I feel awkward about not feeling guilty, so that's something.

Here's what I'm going to do: I've decided that I'm going to lure him over to the dark side of cheese. That way he'll encourage cheese-eating to the point that I'll have to say to him, "Whoa, dude, settle down on the cheese."

it's my party! i'll cry if i want to!

2006-12-19T11:21:00.000-08:00

Sample # 1 ...
Cody: Okay, next you're going to do [fill in the blank].
Me (with extreme dubiousness): You're kidding. Seriously?

Sample #2 ...
Me: Oh my god. I don't think I can do this, Cody.
Cody: You say that everytime; c'mon!
Me: Yeah, but this time I really mean it.
(This repeats about 3-4x/session, and I'm completely serious every single time. For some reason, he doesn't believe me.)

My sessions are filled with cussing and groaning and strange pterodactyl-like noises that somehow make me feel better. And humming. Humming fools me into thinking I'm calm and in control. I swear, I must seem like some CrAzY cAt LaDy*. Luckily I have lost all regard and self-consciousness for how I appear to others while in the gym.

Finally ...
Me: Does anyone complain as much as me?
Cody: I'm not going to answer that.
(HA! This cracks me up the most.)

*This makes me remember that I told Cody that I used let my cat eat of my mouth. (I know - gross; whatever.) I mean it's true, but why in the world would I say it? It's freakin' hilarious how my defenses drop when I'm at the gym. Working out apparently makes me giddy. And crazy. Oh, and totally hot.

you are what you eat

2006-12-12T13:30:00.000-08:00

If you have any odd desire -- well, any desire at all, odd or not -- to see what I eat (!), then go here:
http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=p8-uxsjKu6ueK4FYKCRGWOg

I've made my food diary public. It feels weird. Now you know far more intimate things about me than I'll probably ever know about you, whoever you are. Unless you want to share a secret with me in the comments section. C'mon, seriously, I won't tell anyone.

my head, pt. 2

2006-12-11T18:58:00.000-08:00

What I think while I'm stationary biking for 30 minutes:

¹/₃₀
¹/₁₅
¹/₁₀
¹/₆
¹/₅
¹/₄
³/₁₀
¹/₃
²/₅
¹/₂
³/₅
²/₃
³/₄
⁷/₁₀
⁴/₅
⁵/₆
⁹/₁₀
2 minutes
1 minute
45 seconds
30 seconds
15 seconds
DONE!

That's a little weird, right? Also kind of obsessive.

At least my elementray school teachers might be proud of me.

welcome to my head

2006-12-11T18:47:00.000-08:00

What I think while I'm working out with Cody:

"Why the hell do I pay for this misery? This is horrible!!"

What I think right after I'm done:

"That wasn't so bad; maybe I'll come back."

What I think inbetween sessions:

"I can't wait to go back!"

Rinse, repeat.

get thee behind me

2006-12-08T18:11:00.000-08:00

Oh, Cody - how can I lie to you? I ate a brownie this afternoon. It was delicious, but it was not worth it.

UPDATE:
I made up for the brownie by not eating dinner, so that's good! And then I drank too much, and that really worked out really great for me. (For those of you who don't know me, you may notice my sarcastic tendencies.)

I really only truly regret the 2nd whiskey. Oh, and the not eating dinner. Oops, and the smoking.

Boy, I sure fell off the wagon, didn't I? And then it ran over me.

these boots are made for walkin'

2006-12-06T10:57:00.000-08:00

I found this great site that uses Google maps and turns it into a mileage calculator for walking (or running, I suppose, but I sincerely doubt you'll catch me secretly tabulating the miles I plan to jog). Enter your location, double-click your starting point, and double-click your way through the map, marking your journey. It makes you want to walk places! (Kinda.)

it's practically medieval

2006-12-05T10:32:00.000-08:00

I realized that my monthly eval stats don't mean anything unless you know exactly what I am put through

Sit & Reach: This tests, what? Flexibility, I guess. Sitting with legs straight out in front of you, heels on the ground about a foot apart. You lean down in between and stretch your hands as far down the measuring tape as you can.
Sit-ups: # sit-ups in 1 minute
Push-ups: # push-ups in 1 minute (on the knee push-ups, but still …)
Pull-ups: # pull-ups in 1 minute (assisted pull-ups, meaning I’m under the bar, leaning at a 45% angle with my feet on the ground)
T-test: Best time out of three. A sprinting thing between cones set up in a T-formation; reminds me of football practice. (Ya know, back when I played ball before my knee injury.)
The Plank: A truly hateful Pilates-ish ab exercise; horrifyingly deceptive.

And there you have it; my monthly torture test.

i may be vain, but i'm not proud

2006-12-03T19:46:00.000-08:00

Here's the workout I went through last Saturday. Before you watch it, you just have to know this --- every single thing you see is way harder than it appears. That's how Cody tricks me into doing things.

http://www.survivalseattle.com/Peggys_workout_dec.html

Full disclosure: Cody had videoed a workout once before but he said we couldn't use it, because "You weren't smiling." Yeah, no shit. Wonder why - in between the agony, the lack of breath, and my pleas to simply kill me quickly - who's got time to smile? (Naw - I'm joking! I kid because I love.)

may the force be with you

2006-12-02T12:53:00.000-08:00

The are always several complicated and often contrary motivations hanging out inside my psyche at any given time. I suppose we're all like that, right? I mean, human beings are a complicated species. Well, screw celebrity deathmatch - getting in shape pits two longtime archrivals in the fight of the century; two sides of the force fighting to gain control of my soul ... my innate love of comfort against my vanity. Currently, vanity is trumping laziness. Yay me. Yes, Carly Simon, I do think that song is about me.

At the first session, Cody talked to me about my goals. I was all like, "I wanna be able to kick ass. And also, HOT." I mean, duh. But he forced me to get specific. Which I absolutely recommend for others, but which I don't love to do myself. I know it works; it's old school time-tested. Again and again, you see the people who succeed are the ones who are specific about what they want to achieve and who draft up a mission statement of sorts for themselves. Well, la-di-dah, good for them, but dude! it's just awkward. There are all sorts of things that I want and that I believe, but I don't say it OUT LOUD. C'mon! It's embarrassing. But the last photo I saw of myself was embarrassing, too; so! I sucked it up and did it. Besides, I'm too old and determined to be shy about that shit anymore.

MY PERSONAL TRAINING MISSION STATEMENT:
=>In 3 months (*basically by the end of Jan 07), I will weigh 156 lbs, and my body fat will be at 30%. My target body parts are my waist, thighs, and ass (*Cody translated that into "glutes," the cutie-pie, but I know I said ass). I will wake up in the morning and not feel achy and weak.
=>I will be able to accomplish these things by working out 3x/week (with Cody), swimming 2x/week, going to bed earlier, eating out less, decreasing drinking, and quitting smoking. (*He claims I said I was going to give up eating out & drinking, but if I did, I was drunk when I said it.)
=>By acheiving these goals, I will be able to control my body in a way that will improve my acting. My patience will improve. I will be able to do any activity I wish.
=>I am ready to change, for good.

Then there's a whole evaluation circuit, to set a baseline and chart the (hopefully) improvement. I did the same thing approximately a month later.

Here are my stats when I started and at my first month re-eval:

STATS	17-Oct 2006	22-Nov 2006
Weight	166 lbs.	166 lbs.
Body Fat	34.5%	33.5%
Fat Mass / Lean Mass	57 lbs. / 109 lbs.	55.5 lbs. / 110.5 lbs.

TESTS	17-Oct 2006	22-Nov 2006
Sit & Reach	9”	1’2”
Sit-ups	20	28
Push-ups	15	26
Pull-ups	15	29
T-test	14.97 seconds	14.22 seconds
Plank	59 seconds	1 min. 22 sec.

Everything greatly improved except my weight. And that's because I freakin' love food. LOVE. IT. Can't get enough. Guess what my goal is for this month.

Seriously, though. It was only a bit over a month, and I was shocked at the improvement. I was really proud. Enough for now, but I tell you later how this all affects my day-to-day world.

Oh, also, I'm 36 years old, and a stage actress. See ya later!

just you wait

2006-11-30T22:30:00.000-08:00

I adore my personal trainer; he kicks my ass. And just as soon as I can catch him, I will kick his.

when you read you begin with ABC

2006-11-29T21:11:00.000-08:00

In the beginning there was me, and there was too much of me. Too much weight, yes; but that's symptomatic of the systemic issue ... too much noise; too much "other." I've been promising for years that I will get in better shape, that I will lose weight, that I will set goals and stick to them. I'm too broke, I'm too poor, it's too hard. Blah blah blah, I was freakin' sick of hearing myself, and I'm me. Yeah sure, Peg; but what have you done for me lately?

I'm not sure what the tipping point was. I was a bit weary of not succeeding. Well, it turns out I wasn't trying very hard, so my lack of success is not, in retrospect, incredibly shocking. I have to say, though -- it's not so much that I didn't want to try, but that I didn't know where to begin to know how to try. I read a lot; that's how I begin solving almost all my internal, and even external, dilemmas. I read books on organizing, on diets, on exercising, on detoxing, on philosophies of weight loss, on meditation. I did everything I could to get my body & mind into shape without actually having to do anything hard: chiropractic, naturopathic, massage therapy, acupuncture. I got a hot haircut, I bought good-looking clothes & cute shoes, I stopped biting my nails, I started waxing & getting manicures & pedicures. I loved it all. It's good 'n' good for you. But at the end of the day, I was forced to admit out loud that it was me. I'd fixed everything else, so I was obviously the culprit. Hmmmmm. Go figure.

One thing about me, though, is that once I commit - boy howdy! I know how to push my own buttons. I know intimately all the white lies I tell myself, and exactly how I trick myself. So I tricked myself and hired a personal trainer.